Me-uncensored

2012-01-24T01:58:00.000-08:00

I am 40 years old. I am single. I have a 9 year old son. I have a 21 year old "foster" daughter living with me. And her 1 year old daughter. I have my own business. Those are some of the facts. Here's the rest of the story..............

A word of caution. Do not read any further if you are expecting a carefully constructed timeline of life events with beautiful endings. There are beginnings in my story and there are endings in my story. There are middle parts and excitement and tears and fears and hopes and prayers. In no particular order. But be assured that I am real. And my story is my life's ups and downs. That is all.

Let's start with this morning for authenticity's sake (well, I can remember it most clearly-at my age your memory for detail can be a little foggy. And the way my mind works overtime thinking-well, most recent events are purest in their very nature and authenticity).

This morning I plan to face the day with gusto and enthusiasm. I had to put my son Ben to bed last night with a smack. Needless to say it was long overdue and also involved 45 minutes of not getting into bed even though he is exhausted as well as a discarded aerosal spray that he was piercing with one of his darts from the dart board!!!! I kid you not. This morning we wake up and he apologises and we get going with breakfast and getting ready for school. He has also written me a note saying how sorry he is and that he sometimes doesn't feel loved (unfounded but his very real feelings so will be valued and I'll address this with him) and he says that he doesn't want me to have a white boyfriend. OMG! Now here my friends comes the first part of this life story. My ex-husband is black and Ben is therefore mixed race. Ben and I live in South Africa and there are very few mixed race people. The light brown people, for want of a better analogy, are called coloured. It is not a derogatory term and quite acceptable. We have white friends and coloured friends and black friends. My foster daughter and her little one are also coloured. In our country coloured people have coloured parents who also have coloured parents and so it goes on. Basically, first generation mixed race children are few and far between. Ben has never noticed this before or been worried about it-he is almost 10 years old and I expect he has now begun to notice. Another factor is that it is fashionable for white people like myself to adopt black and coloured kids. Ben began to notice this awhile ago and kept asking how people would know he is my true child. I must admit I had also began to explain at times that he is my child and is brown because his father is black. Whew, did I not think about the repercussions down the line!! In my defence we were living in the UK and this would not have been an issue there. Anyway, one well adjusted happy boy went to school this morning feeling loved and my true child. One pot prevented from boiling over...........

I then check my bank account as I need to do a delivery today of my product and need to put in petrol as my light went on this morning on the way home from school. Imagine my horror when I see I am overdrawn when I should have had almost R300. And yes, at this moment in time R300 is alot of money for me.

ok, you'll have to hang on a sec............. I need to drive, or should I say coast, to a friend to borrow petrol money so that I can do the delivery before I fetch Ben at school.

Chat later.

@ Home with Holly

Me-uncensored